Balance. Or something like it.

Balance stalks my day to day activities. And yet, at the end of the day, I find I am searching for that elusive state of being that can be called balanced. When I ride, I focus on sitting tall and deep in the saddle, keeping 'balanced' and 'with' my horse, riding as one. When I coach basketball, I teach my girls that the singular most important thing in basketball is balance. Same can be said for life. But they'll learn that as they get older, thats a bit deep for 6 year olds.

Though I partake in this perpetual hunt for balance, that's not to say that I am unbalanced, but there is definitely a sense of general catawampus-ness in my life at the current moment. Everything seems just a bit off, and yet oddly, it feels as though things are finally starting to settle into their proper place. It's funny how a person can be feel both extremes at the same time. As new things grasp my attention, I tend to lose focus on the other areas in my life. Those things that once commanded all of my energy suddenly become like the blurred edges in photographs, there is a vague shadow of a form, and while you know that something lies beneath the fuzz you can't tear yourself away from the focus of photo to let your eyes adjust and see the unfocused bits for what they really are - an absolutely integral part of the entire shot.

Those absolutely integral parts are what I'm writing about today. How if you have one big thing in your life, its good to have a lot of other little things to balance it out. Otherwise, chaos ensues. Perhaps not immediately, but eventually, the main focus may start to fade, and you find yourself relying on those blurred edges to get you through. I think there is a cyclic cycle that creates a natural ebb and flow in your focus. It's probably a good thing, because you wouldn't want to get burned out on the things you love. A funny thing, though I have felt like my Starfisher-y has been lacking in the past few weeks and the guilt for not being up at 4:30 am to hit the gym has been plaguing me, I am still maintaining the 20 pound loss I have had since the new year. Granted, I haven't lost more weight, but I haven't gained either. I've been out to dinner, consumed large amounts of wine in single sittings, indulged at family Easter, and generally returned to my old ways. Even snacking on M & M's at work. I cut myself some slack because I thought I could handle it and not be as strict as when I was on the Elimination Diet. I thought that being that strict was too... hmm, what's the word, oh yes... constricting. Though I am happy with the weight maintenance, I am not happy with how I feel. I need to find that crucial balance between being so rigid with myself and allowing myself a free pass here and there. It's funny how I could not cheat once during the 28 day diet, but the day it was over I was back to some of my original unhealthy habits. This is my goal in the upcoming month, find a natural rhythm in which I don't feel as though I am restricting myself excessively (honestly, no coffee, alcohol, meat, dairy or processed sugars?! How in the world did I think I was going to keep that up?!?). I may need to negotiate with myself - which did you miss the most? Coffee? Wine? Meat? And make some healthy allowances such as these:

• Drink more green tea and less coffee, but feel free to have an Americano
  every now and then if I must
• Instead of eating beef, chicken and pork, just eat out of the freezer and
  find new ways to prepare the halibut, salmon, cod and sea bass my dad has
  supplied me with
• When it comes to sugar, I would so much rather be able to have a nice
  glass (just one though!) of red wine at the end of the day than be able to snack
  on M & M's at work. Its one or the other, and the choice should ALWAYS
  be the vino... Be unrelenting on this one... My tummy (spare tire,
  really) doesn't need that extra sugar
• If I'm riding or playing basketball that day, its not the end of the
  world that I don't hit the gym, but I do need to commit to 1 1/2 of gym
  time at least four days a week - If I can't get there during the week, I will
  give up my weekend free time

I think living by these "rules" will create a nice balance and compromise between such rigidity and a complete lack of structure. Here's hoping!

And now, on to the other things that are currently consuming me mind, body and soul. I guess you could call them obsessions.... Okay, yes I am obsessed AND unbalanced. What can I say? Nobody's perfect. Please note how beautiful the weather has been here lately... this definitely has something to do with the reason all my passions keep me outside!!

My house
I love this cute little house. It looks right out of a story book. I am currently working on creating a vegetable garden (pics to come soon!), and beautifying the flower beds. Yard work is so rewarding and creates such a wonderful thing to come home to. I bought kale and chard starts, as well as planted tomatoes, snap peas, red kale, and lots of sunflowers! We have fuschias and cascading petunias to put in hanging baskets... its going to be an oasis!

Thomas

This handsome devil is the new love of my life. I am riding him 2 or 3 times a week and just started jumping him! It such a treat to ride such an amazing animal! He has got a personality bigger than he is (he's huge at 17.2 hands), and is just a total character. I love this horse more than I like most people. :o)

Denali

I am still riding this young mare a few days a week. She is a total sweet pea, and such a willing girl. She has her 'own' blog here: Green 'n Green - you can read about her horsey adventures!

What's keeps you balanced? Or for that matter, what keeps you from being more balanced? Can you make some compromises with yourself to even the scales a bit?

One last little note:

Sometimes this blog gets pushed to the back burner, and I forget that there are a couple of wonderful souls out there in the universe that do read this, and they both have been gently (and not so gently) prodding us for more reading material. So this blog is thanks to my Mudgetfish and the Meandering Bohemian. Its nice to know that people read what we write and want more. I'll try not to let you both down in the future.